Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
