Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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