all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
