I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
