I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
