First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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