I cannot find my penis.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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