R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
