she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
