Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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