i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
