so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
