it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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