God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
