No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
