just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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