Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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