Three words: puerto rican gang bang
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
