gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
