you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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