I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
