please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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