i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
