did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
