I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to make a zoo with you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
