I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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