I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Randomize
