Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
