before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize