I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ttyl tear gas
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
