i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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