he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
