Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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