Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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