She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
