I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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