The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
