Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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