I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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