Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
