So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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