I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
