After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
