Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do vagina's smell?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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