We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
farters have to be the big spoon...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
