Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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