Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
