Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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