420 ftw
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We're too hungover to prance.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
