sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
