she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize