If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
