Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
