I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
