i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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