idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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