he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
