is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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