maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
