Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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