I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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