How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
