my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
