Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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