Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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