Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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