Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
