i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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