im having a threesome with these popsicles
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
