Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
