Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
