You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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