I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
