halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
