The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
